Week 3 for our missions team began with the most unexpected but highest of high notes.
As we were all getting ready to go to a church service near the mountain we all went to during the first week, our contact Toby tells us the biggest of surprises: his wife Ginny was having her new baby that same day! That was a little unexpected since they were all expecting their new baby around June 14. Unfortunately, something happened during the last two weeks that made it a necessity for the baby to come out now so she could be saved. Ginny was going to have the baby through C-Sec a couple hours after we got the news, so our plans had to be cancelled for the time being.
There is a saying that whenever you are in missions, you have to always be flexible and prepare for the unexpected. That came true this week because the birth of baby Erika Nicole Huyssen basically shifted everything that was planned for that day and a couple days later. While that definitely gave a weird feeling of not knowing what was going to happen, the things that happened during that time have been personally some of the most rewarding moments for me in this trip.
One of the first most rewarding things about this week was just the feeling of how far we’ve all come with our relationship with our contacts. We have all become such good friends with Toby, his brother Harald, and their wives Ginny and Cylynne that every moment we have with them, whether its in the field or during quiet times, is so much fun and so genuine. We came here to support our contacts, and that support has evolved into true friendship. The fact that we were all ecstatic at the birth of baby Erica and getting to be with Toby on such a pivotal moment was just fantastic for all of us. That the baby came out safe and healthy was just the cherry on top.
While that moment was fantastic, the next few days were a little ho-hum when it came to activities, and understandably so. That birth was definitely changing our schedule moving forward, to the point that we were going to be mostly on our own as Toby kept himself besides his wife as she started the process of recovery. That meant that for the next three days, we would continue construction labor work in a terrain next to where we are staying (something we had been doing for quite a while now), and helping a pastor on a children’s Bible camp. It was a continuation of what we had been doing for the first two weeks now, which by that time we had all become pros at how to handle kid ministry with our prepared sermons, games and skits.
So while activity wise nothing exactly different happened, they were still fun to do. But those activities are not what I’m going to remember this week for. Instead, my most memorable moments came during more quiet, intimate times.
After the first two weeks, I had noticed that I really hadn’t gotten to know my team that much beyond the basics, and halfway through the trip that was starting to nag on me. I had been dealing with some personal frustrations from the end of this past semester and, because I didn’t feel my personal connection with them was strong, during frustrating times I would just isolate myself and keep my thoughts to myself. Now don’t get me wrong, my team is full of awesome and fun people. But there was just this feeling that it just didn’t seem right to fully open up, no matter how awesome they are. It all just seem like we were all there for the task and to have fun, but I never felt the atmosphere where it was right to share.
Eventually that reached a point where it was hindering my focus and my ability to give 100%. But thank God that didn’t keep going for long, because finally my ATL David (which we all lovingly call Dave) just came to me on a quiet time and just asked me if there was something wrong, as my performance the last couple days made it obvious that I just wasn’t engaged. That came at quite the opportune time because it really felt good to share frustrations with someone from my team. After all we went through Ropes, we are all supposed to be a family. We had left all differences and personal frustrations behind during that week, so it was frustrating to feel something blocking my ability to share. But there it happened. I finally voiced my personal frustrations to Dave, he understood and didn’t judge me, and prayed for me and promised to continue to pray for anything that I need.
Ever since that moment, I just felt like a wall had been lifted and, for the first time in this trip, felt like I could really open up to my team and get to know them even better. I always said that my greatest strength is relating and getting to know and love people, so having that hindrance lifted truly helped me regain that strength. I got to spend a night with one of my roommates, Kevin, sitting at the dinner table where we both shared about our personal lives, our goals, our “adventures”, etc. It just felt genuine and made me get to know him and appreciate the great friend he is more than I did before, and just made me realize how similar we were beyond the fact that we are both hispanics.
Same thing happened with another guy from my team, Brendan. When we were both leveling the land during labor work, I got to just talk and get to know him and what his aspirations were for the future. I always had an admiration for his passion for ministry during the whole trip, so getting to know more about the things he already did, was doing now, and was planning on doing for the future made me appreciate him even more than I did. And finally, though to a bit of a lesser extent, I got to learn more about Karina, one of the girls of my team. I learned her stories and knowledge about RA’s, her time in the RA program, and also discovering we all had the same friends. It may not have been as deep as the other conversations, but it was just as great.
Rest Day: Water Park
Rest Day: Tagaytay, the volcano within a lake within a mountain within an island
I didn’t know how much of an impact finally opening up to my team was going to have until later. After the mild activities of the first three days and an awesome break day on Thursday (where we all went to the mountain of Tagaytay, a full-on water park where we also got some fake Filipino tattoos, and getting to know the fancy side of Manila), I wasn’t expecting the big swerve of the final day. That Friday morning consisted of the harshest physical conditions yet as we had to help a church build a fence in a place full of obnoxious insects, all while we had some bad heat hitting us from above. Later that afternoon, we had to hike quite a steep mountain for a feeding ministry that ended up not happening, and instead was replaced with an on-the-spot child ministry.
While the sudden child ministry was great, that whole day for me was just terrible. Physical labor has been quite difficult for me most of the trip, and I felt that day really pushed me beyond what I could handle. Never had I worked under such harsh conditions like that morning, and then climbing all the way to the top of the steepest mountain I had ever climbed that afternoon really pushed my limits.
At the end of that day, I was just mad. I couldn’t get out of my head the thought that I just wanted to be stronger and more resistant. I hated the feeling that I reached a point of exhaustion earlier than anyone else. I promised myself that I would be strong for my team, and for a while, all physical activities stretching from our team retreat to Ropes to a couple days during this trip had proven otherwise. I just got so jaded over wanting to become stronger than I had been, my desire to continue on this trip were vanishing while my mind was shifting over becoming a stronger person.
I mentioned earlier that I didn’t know how much of an impact opening up to my team was going to have until later, and that night is when I figured it out. During our team debriefing, where we all share our day’s highs and lows, during my turn I just let it all go. I voiced my frustrations with what happened to me that day, plus the frustrations I had been having previously with things from back in school and earlier in the trip. It was my first time really venting to everyone at the same time, and I just voiced my concern about feeling like my limits was just letting the team down. It was probably the most defeated I’ve felt since the worship camp back in the first week, if not more.
What I was not expecting was that moment to also become my favorite moment of this entire trip. Literally everyone from my team spoke over my frustrations, and literally no one judged me over those frustrations. One by one, they were just helping me put things in perspective. I don’t need to be as strong as they are to feel like I am accomplishing things. They said that the fact that I hit my limits fast and still keep on going speaks a lot about how I’m trying my best to go beyond my 100%, and that there’s no shame in that. They also mentioned how they have seen me grow ever since our retreat, during Ropes and even during this trip, and that they appreciate everything that I have done for them and for everything in trip. They mentioned how they admire my ability to just take heart for everyone, from the team and outside, and that I should never feel ashamed of that ever. And that, more than anything, that they appreciate and love me being a part of this team.
After that it all became clear: the enemy was trying its best to jade my thoughts and just bring to the forefront my weaknesses when, in all honesty, we are not defined by our weaknesses. The Lord has been pushing me so much for the last month and a half that I really shouldn’t feel like my weaknesses are an actual hindrance. In fact, the Lord works through our weaknesses. He pushes us past our limits, even as we want to give up. That’s how I was feeling at that mountain, yet I made it to the top. It was just the enemy finding a way to put the focus on me instead of the task at hand, in turn not making me see the results of all our sacrifices. The fact is, the good always has to outweigh the bad. The Lord sees it that way. My team saw it that way. There is no need for me to beat myself over that when others don’t see it that way.
Even if it seemed like this week was going to be an off week on the basis of how it started, I feel like this was the week with the most personal memorable moments, and that says a lot considering I was in Tondo just last week. But overall, I feel this was a “look how far you’ve come” week. It showed how far we have come with our contacts that we can share intimate moments with them like that birth, it showed me that I don’t have to shy away from sharing when I’m on a moment of weakness and need to vent and ask for prayer, and biggest of all, I don’t have to beat myself over reaching my limit when I am pushing myself beyond my limit and succeeding. When I mix that with everything that has happened during this whole trip, from God’s fulfilled promises to the appreciation of life, it’s clear now how this whole trip has been a life-defining experience, and I can’t thank God enough for making me go through with it, and help shape me along the way.
Plus, I now feel like my awesome team is an awesome family, and I can fully trust them instead of doubting them. And as we all move towards our final week here in the Philippines, that is an awesome feeling to have. I can’t wait to see how God concludes our time here in this country. Based on this past three weeks, I’m sure it’s going to be a great send off!
